the power of suffering

About 10 years ago, I read a story about two mothers that hasn't left my heart since. I would like to share it with you and then explore the mystery of the inextricable link between love and suffering and the immeasurable power of both. 

About 13 years ago, a mother named Denise Wagner faced every parent's worst nightmare: her son, Jeremy Baran, had died of a drug overdose; He was 24. While negotiating through the impossible emotions of losing a child, Denise decided to donate her son's organs. Three years after his death, Denise met Susan Adcock, the mother who received the life-saving gift of Jeremy's heart. They wrapped their arms around one another in an embrace that can't be put into words. Denise's suffering and selfless love pounded within Susan's chest. In response to the moment, Susan said, "God gave me Jeremy's heart because He knew I would help in her grieving. I have a piece of her love." Together, they shared a Thanksgiving meal.

For years after hearing this story, the paradox of suffering and love existing so closely in the same space tumbled around in my thoughts. The day Jeremy died was the worst day of Denise’s life yet it was a day filled with joy for Susan and her family. While one mother suffered the grief of her son's death, another mother rejoiced in the chance to continue living beside her own. Love and suffering are two sides of one heavy coin that seems to be the sum of the human condition.

Ten years ago, when this story came out, I was navigating my way back through the doors of our beautiful Catholic Church. The mystery of suffering lay heavy on my heart, and, of course, I spent a good bit of time asking God Why. We all ask Him this question; most of us do it at about 3:00 a.m. when the sharp edges of life keep us from a comfortable sleep. 

After exploring many different faiths, I realized that suffering was the center point for most conversations on the Divine—there isn't a belief system that doesn't try to tackle it. Buddhists work to escape it, atheists use it as proof against the existence of God, deists use it as proof that God is aloof, dualists blame an evil God, and idealists choose a willful ignorance of it. 

However, the terrible problem with each of these belief systems is that they are a house made of cards upon a sandy beach on a windy day because none of them acknowledge love. This gritty, painfilled, tearful, heart-overflowing, joyful sacrificial love is the inhale to suffering's exhale.

If you're a parent, you know this is true because on the other side of joy—watching your child begin to walk, is the pain of watching him fall. 

So what now? 

Well, Christianity deals with suffering in the only way possible—first, we acknowledge it. When God created man, He gave us the freedom to obey Him, the freedom to love. If we don't have the freedom to choose love, then it isn't love, it's coercion. But, the concept of "choice" necessitates there be an option; I can choose not to obey God; I can choose not to love. This is the original sin, and the original suffering. Since then, acts of sin and love have rippled forth. 

Second, Christianity takes the problem of suffering and places God in its crosshairs. Only Jesus Christ, our Lord, takes on the full weight of human suffering, empties Himself completely, and allows Evil to give Him everything he has, including the final Ace up his sleeve: death. Only Jesus Christ accepts suffering and uses it as the means by which He conquers sin and death—as Dr. Peter Kreeft explains, "Cavalry is Judo. The enemy's own power is used to defeat him. Satan's craftily orchestrated plot rolled along according to plan by his agents, Judas, Pilate, Herod, and Caiaphas, culminated in the death of God. And this very event, Satan's conclusion, was God's premise. Satan's end was God's means." On the Cross, Jesus Christ gave suffering power—the power to redeem the world.

Third, Christianity gives the human person the dignity of participating in the saving work of God by giving our suffering redemption power. St. Paul says, “Now I rejoice in my sufferings for your sake, and in my flesh, I am filling up what is lacking in the afflictions of Christ on behalf of his body.” (Colossians 1:24) While Christ's sacrifice was perfect, what is lacking in His afflictions—are you and I. We make up the Body of Christ—when we offer our suffering in union with the Cross, our own sufferings gain in redemptive power. 

Fourth, the Catholic faith has beautiful devotions that allow our hearts to meditate on theological truths. The Devotion of the Sacred Heart of Jesus invites the faithful to contemplate God's boundless love for us and His suffering and death on the Cross. 

This devotion invites us to spend time with the reality that God loves us so much that He took on a heart of flesh. A heart of flesh is a heart that will one day stop beating. God took on mortality to save you.

And so it was, from the moment of His conception—He stepped into the reality of human suffering for the sake of perfect love. At Gethsemane, He asked our Lord if it be His will to pass the cup of sacrifice from His lips—Christ understands pain. He took on suffering to whisper in every human ear, you're not alone— you are seen, known, and loved by Me. By taking on a heart of flesh, Christ wept with Denise over the loss of Jeremy, much like He wept for the loss of Lazarus. His heart breaks with ours… But through Christ, suffering can bear fruit if we choose love in its midst. Denise walked with the Cross of losing a child, but in the heartache, she chose love—to share a part of her son with another.

Sacred heart of Jesus, full of goodness and love, aflame with love for us, broken for our sins, source of all consolation, our life and resurrection—have mercy on us.

*This week we were blessed to prerecord our Season 2 podcast premier with a special guest—Fr. John Paul Mary, a Franciscan Missionary of the Eternal Word. Fr. Is an EWTN chaplain! We discussed the topic of suffering and we were blessed by his wisdom. Fr. reminds us that any conversation on true suffering is considered holy ground. This season our podcast is also available on YouTube! This episode will be released on Tuesday, September 26th!

**This week we pray our Pray, Grow, & Serve will help discuss the power of suffering with your child.

(https://www.nbcnews.com/healthmain/i-could-feel-his-heart-organ-donor-families-bond-recipients-2d11648771)

Dr. Peter Kreeft, Making Sense out of Suffering